Why I am not tottally thrilled about Christmas.

I have a quiet shocking admission to make and that is that I don't always find the idea of Christmas a wonderful and magical one actually at times I find Christmas pretty darn hard in all honesty. Yes I know that this admission is enough to get some people calling me Scrooge and asking me if I am dead inside, I also have to put up with constantly being told that its Christmas so I should be happy and that everything is oh so wonderful, its like being assaulted with the concept of  raw undiluted joy. So what is it that I don't like about Christmas? Well part of it is the fact that its busier and more hectic at work leading up to and surrounding the day. I used to work in a pub and you had drunks screaming saying how wonderful it was while falling into things, they were telling you how great it was to be off and to be having fun clearly not understanding the fact that you currently were at work and that being the sober responsible one in a room of drunks is about as much fun as slowly drowning. I don't work in the pub trade anymore, I now work in retail and although this feels like an improvement I now have to put up with people doing there Christmas shopping and believe it or not even though it is the season of good will people are so quick to call you a fucking moron or a shit head for things beyond your control. They have come in 3 weeks after you received your shipment of a product which was being sold for practically nothing but somehow the fact they didn't come in quick enough is totally your fault, you singularly have sold every single one of them, your responsible for how many have been made, how many have been sent to your shop, you could have personally held on to one and hidden it just for them using your secret physic future knowing skills and the fact you haven't done this makes you a prick who they feel totally justified to treat like complete and utter shit.

I have had a real love and hate relationship with Christmas. I loved it up until I was 15 what with getting loads of stuff and breaking up from school for a decently lengthy period. Then I started working and I didn't get much anymore and it became a pain in the ass. Then my daughter was born and it made it all ace again, no matter how bad work might be she made it great. I was unemployed for about a year, then worked in a nursery training to get a grade 6 in childcare, and then was unemployed for a further 2 years and during these 4 years it was ace. I could just sit back and enjoy all of it and spend it with my mum and dad and my kid and really soak it all in. Then my mum passed and I got a job again and my kid got older and knew it wasn't all magic and well it began to suck again. Part of what made it suck was that my mum had really loved it, she had thrown so much energy and love in to it. We had the biggest dinners so much choice there would be several types of potatoes loads of diffrent types of stuffing, it would quiet litterally be a feast, the kind of thing you only usually see in films and there wouldnt be a single thing that didnt look smell and taste amazing. I suddenly found myself responsible for the decorartions for preparing the food and for trying to basically do Christmas, to try and make sure that everyone enjoyed themselves and I guess this is when I really truly learned just how much work this had all been for my mum and how much pressure it really was. I find myself being the one who has to carry the torch, if decorations are to be put up I have to do it, I also have to sort out the food for christmas dinner, I have to pick it all, make sure I buy it at the right time so its ok for the day itself, I have to prepare it, cook it and serve it and then I end up doing 90% of the cleaning it up. I have to do all of this while being made more aware than I usually am of how much I miss my mum.

Now I do enjoy some things about Christmas, I do enjoy eating the meal, being with my family, recently I have really enjoyed helping my fiancee put up her christmas tree, I know the day will be great too, me, my daughter, my dad and my fiancee all togther in the afternoon watching Doctor Who and eating nibbles. I am not trying to ruin anyone elses day or try to make them hate Christmas quiet the oppersit in fact I just want people to realise that not everyone will be full of christmas cheer, it might be a hard time of year for some people, some people might need help or even just be allowed the right to moan and to sulk and to not have cheer forced upon them. If you still have all of your family and they are good people then enjoy them while you can, tell them that you love them, eat drink and be merry but remember for some people this can be a hard time of year so spare them a thought, try not to shout at them when your buying things or try to force them to smile if they dont want to.

May you all have the best Christmas that you can be it a quiet one or a loud one, but most of all remember ''Be Excellent To Each Other''.....