Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Do people really want partners that are like themsleves?

OK so it time to get a little social science based here, I guess you could claim I am talking about Psychology but that would make it sound a little bit dry and boring, I guess the truth is though that just like they say everything is about politics well the other social sciences like Sociology and Psychology pretty much bleeds into all areas of human conversation in one way or another.

Part of the fun of writing a blog as apposed to trying to write for an actual scientfic journal of some kind is that I dont have to go into depths to check my sources I am providing entertainment here not true knowledge... So if you want to fact check me and try to prove me wrong then do so at the risk of your own time but know this I will not loose an ounce of sleep over it. Also if my facts are wrong it doesnt neciserily mean that my conclusions are, some things are almost impossible to prove after all

There is a belief that we seek out and like things that are the same as us or that we see some of our selves in, this has even been argued to extend to the way we choose a sexual partner, apparently some think that if your a man your simply looking for a vagina carrying version of yourself and if your a woman you want yourself with a dick, well unless your gay and then I assume they would argue that you essentially want the closest thing to a copy of yourself that you can find.

So what do I think about this? Well I dont completly agree with it although I do think sometimes we do like to see simmilarites, I know when I was a manager I used to like to see people with a simmilar work ethic who seemed to think in a simmilar way to myself but I think this was a kind of almost work based vanity, I was good at my job at the time and I thought that people who showed the same raw sparks as I had shown when I was starting out in the role  could easily achieve the same kind of success. When it comes to friends and potential partners though I tend to have what I call the 50% theory, let me explain this.

I think that if someone is too much like you then you will see all of the worst things about yourself in them, this will either lead to you hating them or hating yourself more, or even worse both of the above. If someone has nothing in common with you though then you have no real point on which to connect. I think you need enough diffrence that they dont remind you of yourself that you can learn appreciation for new things through them but then enough in common with you for you to have something to talk to each other about and feel like you have things in common.

 This is a nerd blog so lets nerd it up a bit  with a random question which will add to the conversation in the long run. So why do I like House MD? I like it because I can relate to the main character. No I dont have a problem with pain killers, I do have a limp, I dont use a cane but I do certainly know what its like to have a lot of screaming pain in one of my legs, its more than that though, I am not blunt or manipulative like Gregory House can be even though a large part of me wishes that I could be, if anything I am what most people would typically refer to as a nice guy. I like the character though because he has character traits which I admire  a few of them I have in common with him such as an ability to look outside of the box and see things that other people dont and others such as the way he finds it so easy to decide he is right and then hold on to the fact he is right and gameble everything on it, I dont have this I hege my bets, I dont fully commit to risky decisions yet I do admire those who do.

In fact there is a whole list of things I admire but cant do or dont have in me, I cant play music but I think the ability to play an instrument is a wonderful thing, I cant knit or sow but I like seeing that kind of creativity. The long and short of it is that someone doesnt have to be like you, you just neeed to admire them respect them and find them intresting and they have to feel the same way about you, and if you have things in common then it provides lots of opportunities for you to be close and talk and learn what you think about each other.

1 comment:

  1. I don't think they do. I think we are always attracted to the people that we also think are nothing like us. I was in a relationship with somebody very similar to me and it just didn't really go anywhere. I think two people with different personalities but some shared values can balance each other out nicely.